si/hi etoh come one come all, we will make sure you leave medicated and a little crazier

I suppose we are lucky that we are one of the few EDs with a separate psychiatric unit. The unlucky being the employees who work there. Management is pretty good about rotating nurses and techs through the pink zone. Those in the dog house sometimes find themselves marooned there for multiple shifts. 

On any given night you can find the clinically insane, suicidal, homicidal, pyros, fakers, addicts, cutters, slashers, mumbling nanas, TBIs, ODs, glue sniffers, panty sniffers, homeless etoh, college aged etoh, yuppie etoh and last but not least combative, can't protect my airway and, I'm the best man in my brothers wedding in four hours etoh.

I think the most unfortunate are those who lack good insurance.  All is well with the BEST team but don't let them find out your crazy bipolar ass is self-pay cuz then it's all over. These are the forgotten souls of society. These poor mental train wrecks end up boarding in the ED for a few days until they are quitely shuffled out the door. I have seen section 35 quacks get released back into the streets because the SW dug up some 3 week old papers saying that PT is clinically sane and able to operate heavy machinery and large caliber weapons. 

Hey if you have some nice Blue Cross Cadillac insurance feel free to jerk the fuck out! Go out and pee on someone, Beat up a police cruiser, Get really drunk and pass out on the steps of the State House,  Eat bottles and bottles of Tylnol PM and call 911 for fun.  Whatever you do just remember to glue that shiny insurance card to your forehead. 

Don't get me wrong, the ED staff will stabilize you regardless of you economic stature. 

The card is what buys you the luxury of a top notch private institution. A month off from the fast pace of reality to think about what you did wrong. Who knows maybe you will master leather work or pottery glazing during your 30 day evaluation.

And when your all done and have recieved your endless prescriptions...................Feel free to do it all over again!!

The ED will still be here for your next episode and, after you gain frequent flyer status we will even let you hang in triage and entertain EMT crews and horrified PTs for hours and hours.

As the great Apu would say- Thank you! Pleaseeee come again.