The Art of ED techery

I think most people out there would agree that the emergency department (ED) is the official gateway to the hospital for all people whether they are there for something minor or, beginning the confusing time consuming transition to becoming an inpatient. Some patients will even find themselves spending days in the ED on a gurney before they see the inside of a hospital room due to no available beds or shitty insurance issues.



Your friendly ED tech is the first face and usually the last one that most patients see during their emergent visit. We take their vitals and chief complaint at triage. Once in the department we draw blood, start IVs, perform ECGs, flush wounds, splint, dispense crutches and turkey sandwiches. All this and the usual gofor duties. Plus how could I not include all things R. Kelly i.e. foley caths, UhCGs, U/As, Utoxs, and the good old code brown in all its glory and different forms.

We are the trench dwellers. The human insulation between nervous internal medicine residents and their unsuspecting victims. I listen to patients introduce themselves to me "You ain't the Docta!". After three or four hours waiting for the "Docta" I am now their only answer to the call bell.

"Whats takin so long?" call bell happy PT
"well two things, You need to pee in that cup for me and...."
PT cutting me off "Whatcha mean right here?!?!"
"No we have a bathroom down the hall for that" I reply
"You also got to finish that PO contrast so we can get you to CT." I continue
"It taste like shit. Gimme sumthin to eat!" PT exclaims hitting the call bell again. I reset it again.
"Miss, you can't eat anything just yet your here for severe abdominal pain and you said you haven't had a bowel movement in eight days........"

call bell going off again I reset it in seconds.
PT again cutting me off "Its startin to hurt more cuz I ain't got nothing in it."

Even though I get more of this shit than I do quiet and obedient grateful PTs I'll still advocate for them. One night recently I was going to the mother room to restock and a hallway player grabbed my arm and complained about nobody talking to him in hours and all he wanted was a glass of water and some pain meds. Of course I was automatically judgemental as we all know which stereotype is usually uttering this request. The patient wasn't in my section but I went to find his nurse to see what his NPO status was. It must have been someones lucky day because as it turned out the triage tech had fucked up royally and hadn't placed the PT's chart in the to be seen rack when they brought him back. What was initially triaged as a level 5 chief complaint ended up being two fractured ribs and a ruptured spleen requiring surgical intervention. Incidents like that always put the job back into perspective for me. Because at the end of the day if you forget that it really is all about the patient than you might as well go dwell in a cubical somewhere instead of potentially contributing to a PT fatality!